The Horror of Dating

All characters in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental…

This post goes out to the one who inspired it. Mallory Straus. Here’s what happened: I was sitting by a fire and talking with Mallory and Chris.  I was telling them about something that happened to me a few weekends ago.  The story involved a guy with a fuzzy sweater and repeated longboarding invites from a mystery man.  Mallory told me I should start a “Bad date Horror story” blog. Well I might as well dedicate one blog post to it, right? So here it is.

Where to start? I guess I’ll ease into it with a story that’s not necessarily a date.. but still funny. Here’s a FB Message convo. This is after he sent me a few messages and I had only responded once.

Notice the dates. He waited one day to accuse me of wanting him to leave me alone. One day! Now I probably should have just let it end there, but I kept seeing this guy at the gym. I asked my brother-in-law Tyler about him, because I knew they did strongman together. Tyler said “Uh, don’t date him. He has major anger issues. I wouldn’t piss him off.”  Oh good heavens above …what would you do?!

A pitty number? Really? –Once I knew that he had major mood swings, I felt like I was walking on egg shells.  Later on…

 

..He volunteered his number.  Keep in mind, that all through our FB messages, I had seen him at the gym multiple times, and he never once spoke to me in person. Not once. Oh FaceBook… what do you do to men these days?   I feel a little bad posting this now. –Which is why I blocked out the name. Please don’t go looking for his profile picture…

I hope this wasn’t too awfully boring. Hopefully there is more to come. I remembered a good story- if I never get around to posting it, remind me to tell you about the California boy and his visit to Utah.

-Follow Up-

In order to fully appreciate this post, I would Invite you all to refer to figure 3 from the post below. I believe we are referring to this boy as Douche from Math, yes?

Here's something that happened today that I thought you all might enjoy:

I was at dinner with the lovely TonyaMarie, Tyler, our boss and his wife, and a few others from work. They all had the pleasure of beholding this unprecidented picture message I recieved from said Douche:

The Caption read: Perfect for Rugby? -Bear.

Yes, his signature is 'Bear'. I asked him why... he said something to the effect of "juss cuz". There are two questions I would like to ask this boy:

1) What makes you think I want a picture of you, when I refused to send you a 'pic' just last week? I, in fact, told him that I don't like when people take a bunch of pictures of themselves, because it's cocky. --He probably thinks cocky is a good thing.

2) How many times did you re-take this photo, and how many girls did you send it to?

Enough about him.

The Inevitable Post About Boys... Here it is

So my last post was obviously right before school started. We are now well into our second semester.

I do apologize for this gap.

Now. I guess I'll recap my first semester at college then. It was hard. It was fun. Sometimes not so fun. My major is Biotechnology, but I reserve the right to cange my mind. Any time I tell people what it is, you'd think I had suddenly turned into moldy cheese judging by the faces they make. Sometimes it makes me make that face too.

We can't talk about college without talking about boys. And since people keep asking, I guess I'll release some details. I date this one sometimes -->

We get along. I can't do the relationship thing though. Just cant.

This is Marshall. He's from my work. Is it bad to go on dates with boys from work? Probably.

Then I probably shouldn't have gone dancing with Spenser from work either. He asked me to call him yesterday, but wouldn't tell me why. I didn't do it. First of all, I don't like talking on the phone. Second of all.. what do we have to talk about? We only went on one kind-of-date. Stupid BYU boys. Let me just pick out my wedding colors now. I like UVU boys much better.

We can refer to this one as Douche bag from Math Class. That's What he is, after all. He's the kind of boy that almost immediately asks for 'a pic'. I hate that. That's all.

-I seem to attract the short boys. Anybody reading this already knows this, but I had to say it. What's in the water around here? I want to date a boy that I'm not afraid of squishing. Ok from now on, feel free to give me something to write about! This one was a suggestion, and it's the only reason I'm writing. So ask questions maybe!

By the way, those cats in one of the posts below... all dead. Poor Ryan. He has now taken to standing motionless outside at night in the freezing cold. Why? We can't be sure. We think he's watching out for deer. He really needs a dog. They're more durable than cats, right?

Leaving So Soon?

 

Two of my best friends are leaving. We’re finally growing up for real!  We used to always talk about it, and say we’ll all grow up to be old ladies with a bunch of cats (that part was probably Mal’s idea..).  But now we’re really moving on and moving out!  I don’t really know what to do or say about it.

 

   I was pretty much just going to ignore the fact, until Lindsey came to say goodbye.  What do you say, though, when you’ve spent so many years together?  I think I gave her a hug for the first time.  I’ve always wished I could be more like Lindsey.  She doesn’t care what anybody thinks, ever.  She’s a little crazy.

 

Megan.  This ginger is leaving too.  I went to see her last night, as she was finishing up her packing.  I didn’t know how to say goodbye to her either, so I just basically said, “bye. Love ya.”  What else could I say?  Megan was my one outlet for emotion this last year of High school. Still, I didn’t tell her much, but it was nice having somebody that knew what was going on. Sometimes I would just tell her whatever news there was, and she would listen to it without making me think about it more. It helped a whole lot.  I’m sorry I put her through that though.  I’m sure it was hard for her to keep listening to my self pity.

 

I’ve always hated stuff like this, I don’t like saying goodbye.  Luckily, I have Sharon, Ham, Mallory and Rachel staying here for  a while.  They’re my fellow UVU kids.  I also have a few more weeks with the rest of the Ace Gang that are going to school in far away places. 

Now who’s wedding invitation will show up first….?

Trail Blazer

 

All my life, I have been known as a ‘little sister’. Some knew me as Tony’s little sister. Some knew my face only as Tonya’s little sister. I followed closely behind my brother all through school, often hiding in his shadow. I never liked being in the spotlight, which contradicts the steps I took while following my sister’s example: Tonya was a cheerleader.

My life, as much as I’d like to deny it, has been shaped by my older siblings. I was comfortably riding in their wake, until they suddenly made for separate shores before I realized what I was doing. Tony is currently serving a mission; Tonya went off to college, but got married in a hurry.

Neither of these things are what I can or want for myself. It’s time to start blazing my own trail. I want to go to college. –and I mean, really go to college. I want a career, and I want to make it worth my while. Beyond that, I have no idea what I’m doing.

Even some of the friends I grew up with are picking up and leaving me. I might have to have a good cry about this one.  Stupid growing up…

Happy un-birthday?

 

I came home one day to find that my 10 yr old brother had just received a gift from some neighbors that I don’t know.  This gift, was a bundle of kittens. Five of them to be precise.  I feel like this sort of thing ought to have been run by the parentals beforehand, but there they were. Bounding all around my back yard.  Don’t get me wrong, these lil things are super cute! But …do they have to grow up?

 

 

 

 

This lThis lil guy is my favorite.

He’s the friendliest one

Not MY Wedding…

 

I’ve never been one to think about my wedding day. In fact, I avoid thinking of marriage because it kind of freaks me out. Today, however, I discovered just how I DON’T want my wedding to be:

 

I don’t want my wedding to be in a back yard.

 

       I don’t want to be close enough to smell the other inhabitants of this property, such as horses, peacocks, or any other choice farm animals.

 

I don’t want guests to be able to park their vehicle no more than twenty yards from the ceremony. I don’t want them to then walk through the freshly plowed dirt, adjusting their oversized belt buckles and cowboy hats/mullets.

      I also hope that I do not have to be rushed to the hospital, leaving all my guests roasting in the sun for six hours.

 

I do not wish the path to my wedding to be marked with a makeshift sign that was made with little to no knowledge of the English language. 

 

 

    Just for the sake of upholding some essence of class, I hope to not have guests throwing water at other, much older guests. This is not OK.

…She can come.

 

All I know is that my wedding will be in a temple, and it will not have any of this atrocity. So if you are a future invitee to my wedding, please leave your hats, mullets, and misguided offspring at home.