Not MY Wedding…

 

I’ve never been one to think about my wedding day. In fact, I avoid thinking of marriage because it kind of freaks me out. Today, however, I discovered just how I DON’T want my wedding to be:

 

I don’t want my wedding to be in a back yard.

 

       I don’t want to be close enough to smell the other inhabitants of this property, such as horses, peacocks, or any other choice farm animals.

 

I don’t want guests to be able to park their vehicle no more than twenty yards from the ceremony. I don’t want them to then walk through the freshly plowed dirt, adjusting their oversized belt buckles and cowboy hats/mullets.

      I also hope that I do not have to be rushed to the hospital, leaving all my guests roasting in the sun for six hours.

 

I do not wish the path to my wedding to be marked with a makeshift sign that was made with little to no knowledge of the English language. 

 

 

    Just for the sake of upholding some essence of class, I hope to not have guests throwing water at other, much older guests. This is not OK.

…She can come.

 

All I know is that my wedding will be in a temple, and it will not have any of this atrocity. So if you are a future invitee to my wedding, please leave your hats, mullets, and misguided offspring at home.